Run
by Princess Oats 435
Summary: Kirsten's alcoholism wasn't the only thing that her mother passed on to her.
1. You're the only thing that's right

This was written for Brandywine421's Death! Challenge. Hopefully you like it, and let me know what you thought! Thanks.

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.

* * *

Her first thought was that she was pregnant.

Kirsten had woken up nauseous for more mornings that she had admitted to Sandy, and had felt exhausted. She would go to bed before Sandy, and she would sleep later, but she still felt like she wasn't getting enough sleep.

The possibility that it was more than just feeling tired crossed her mind, but she was so busy with the boys and being home again and her new business venture with Julie Cooper that she pushed any thoughts to the back of her mind.

It was when she woke up feeling like she was going to throw up for the second week in a row that she thought that maybe she could be pregnant. She wasn't sure how Sandy would take the news, or, oh God, the boys, so she made the doctor's appointment and kept it to herself. Kirsten wasn't sure how she felt about the possibility of another baby. Sure, the boys were leaving for college soon and the house would be so empty, but another baby? At almost forty? She could remember how exhausting it was with Seth, and she had been twenty-one. Would she and Sandy be able to do it again? Would Sandy even want to do it again?

She was so nervous about the idea of being pregnant again that it being something else never even entered her mind. She was convinced that if anything it was pregnancy, but probably, since she was on birth control, it was probably just stress that was making her tired and nauseous.

They did blood work at the doctor's office, and they had asked her to come into a little office apart from the examination room. Kirsten then waited an abnormally long time in that little private office for the doctor to come talk to her. She twisted her wedding ring around her finger and suddenly wished that she had reconsidered bringing Sandy along. She could practically feel his hand in hers, telling her that it was okay, and making her laugh to dissipate some of her nerves. This was not normal, she told herself, bringing her into this room away from everyone was not normal, and then shook her head for being so paranoid.

When the doctor walked in with a frown on his face, she swallowed hard. She saw his mouth moving, but she couldn't hear anything but the buzzing in her ears.

"We'd like you to come back in on Thursday for more tests, Mrs. Cohen," he said and she nodded, numbly, and collected her things and had gotten to the car before realizing that she was shaking.

When Sandy came home that day, he found her in their bedroom sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at her wedding ring. She had been in that same position for over an hour, amazed that she hadn't gotten herself a drink or cried yet. She didn't look towards the door when Sandy came in, instead she moved her head slightly to look out the window and her voice was so soft that Sandy wasn't sure that he had heard her at first.

"I thought I might be pregnant, so I went to the doctor's today to make sure," Kirsten's voice was monotone, and Sandy moved closer to her. Pregnant? Why hadn't she said anything to him? He had noticed her exhaustion, Kirsten had never been one to take naps, but he had come home from work on more than one occasion to find her curled up on their bed sleeping.

"I'm not," Kirsten finally looked up at him, their eyes meeting. "They think I have ovarian cancer."

* * *

Sandy went with her to the next doctor's appointment. He sat in the waiting room while they did tests, and tried to read a magazine, only to find that he had read the same page four times without actually comprehending any of it. He finally was called into the office to sit with her while they waited for the doctor, and he wrapped his hand around hers and promised her that he was there for her no matter what and they would get through this.

He tightened his hand around hers as the doctor explained that they needed to schedule a surgery to see the extent of the cancer, and Kirsten remained calm and collected as they picked a date for the next week. Sandy was screaming inside, but he followed his wife's lead as she thanked the doctor with a small smile and they left the office and got to the car before her exterior cracked. It was only after they had climbed in and Sandy started the car that Kirsten began to cry.

"Fuck," she whispered, her voice getting louder with each one. "Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!" She threw her head back against the seat behind her as she screamed. Sandy reached over immediately and pulled her into his arms kissing her cheeks and tasting the salty tears that began to drip down her face.

"It's going to be okay, we're going to be okay, we're going to beat this. Do you hear me? You're going to be okay," Sandy wasn't sure who he was convincing, himself or Kirsten, but she seemed to calm down, and Sandy started the car again and drove home.

It wasn't until later, after he had tucked Kirsten into bed after she had exhausted herself from crying. It wasn't until after he greeted their sons like nothing was wrong, with a fake smile pasted on his face, telling them that Kirsten had a rough day and was sleeping, and asked them politely how their day at school had gone. It was until after they were safely tucked away in their respective bedrooms that he snuck out of the house and down the path to the beach. It wasn't until then that he cried.

Sandy's knees had suck down into the wet sand and he had screamed at the ocean. Raw cries that ripped out of his throat and got lost in the sound of the waves. He let the water wash up over him as he begged whatever deity that would listen to not take her from him.

He made his way back up to the house, creeping through the dark and quiet backyard, and saw Ryan standing at the windows in the pool house watching him. He knew he should go over and reassure him, tell him that everything was okay, but the words got stuck in the back of his throat and instead he made his way back into the house, knowing that he and Kirsten had agreed to talk to the boys the next day after dinner. Sandy was too exhausted to do anything but change out of his wet clothes and climb into the bed next to his fitfully sleeping wife, and pull her to him, watching as her chest moved up and down with every shuddering breath.

* * *

Sandy didn't go into the office the next day, instead, he got up to greet the boys and see them off to school and then he climbed back into bed next to Kirsten, who was lying awake with her eyes open.

"My mother died of ovarian cancer," she whispered. Her eyes closed again and she felt the tears leak out the side. Sandy didn't need to be reminded. He had spent the good part of the night trying to remember all that he could from when Kirsten's mother Catherine had been sick. The only thing he could remember was the end when the cancer had progressed too far to stop it. He remembered her pale face, and her shaking hands, and he looked over at his wife and rested his forehead against hers and closed his eyes.

"You're younger than she was," he reminded her. "You're strong." Kirsten's shoulders began to heave and Sandy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him, and she buried her head in his chest and sobbed.

"Oh God, the boys," she sobbed. "They don't need this. They were supposed to have nothing to worry about this year but which college to go to, and graduation, and girls. How are we going to tell them? What are we going to tell them?"

"We tell them what we know," Sandy replied. "It's going to be okay."

When Kirsten finally moved to take a shower, Sandy kissed her shoulder and watched her go and allowed himself to cry again. He refused to cry in front of her. He refused to allow her to worry about him, she was worrying about herself and the boys enough as it was.

He would only cry when she was not around, he would be strong for her. They would get through this.


	2. Even if you cannot hear my voice

Okay, here's the next chapter. I'm off to London tomorrow (yay!) and I don't know how long it will take me to settle in, but I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible! Please read and review!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters

_

* * *

_

_Light up, light up _

_As if you have a choice_

_Even if you can not hear my voice_

_I'll be right beside you dear_

_Louder, louder_

_And we'll run for our lives_

_I can hardly speak_

_I understand, why you can't raise your voice to sing- Snow Patrol_

* * *

Ryan knew something was wrong before Kirsten and Sandy asked him and Seth to join them in the living room. He had spied Sandy coming back up from the beach late last night sneaking back into the house. When Sandy had turned towards the pool house, Ryan saw that his eyes were red and swollen, and his clothes were soaking wet.

Ryan hadn't seen Kirsten since the morning before, Sandy kept saying that she was having a rough couple of days and was still sleeping. His first thought was maybe she had fallen off the wagon, but Sandy wouldn't be covering for her if that was true. He didn't know what was going on, but something was definitely wrong.

Kirsten appeared at dinner, in sweats with her hair hastily pulled back into a ponytail. She barely touched her dinner, and kept exchanging glances with Sandy who gave her reassuring smiles. She didn't really say anything, listening as Seth talked about something that had happened between him and Summer that day at school, and smiling at the appropriate parts, but Ryan could see that she wasn't listening. Neither was Sandy, who kept staring at his wife as if she would disappear right before his eyes.

When the dishes were cleared from the table, Sandy asked both the boys to join him and Kirsten in the living room.

"There's something we need to tell you," he said and he reached out for Kirsten's hand and gave it a squeeze. Ryan looked at Seth, who shrugged. Whatever it was, Seth had no clue either. They took a seat in the chairs across from the couch, where Sandy and Kirsten sat, hands clasped between them. Ryan looked expectantly at them, and Kirsten looked at Sandy who nodded almost imperceptibly.

"I haven't been feeling very well," Kirsten started. "I went to the doctor's yesterday…"

"You aren't pregnant are you?" Seth interrupted. Kirsten shook her head, and a few tears fell down her face.

"You're sick," Ryan choked out. Kirsten's eyes met his and she nodded slightly.

"I have cancer, ovarian cancer," she replied softly.

Ryan's first reaction was to scream. To throw things against the wall, and curse anyone who would listen that it wasn't fair, that they were just getting settled again, and that of all people Kirsten did not deserve this. They did not deserve this. But he took a deep calming breath, because the last thing that Kirsten needed was to have to deal with his hysterics. He was about to ask Kirsten more about what was going to happen, and what this meant, when he heard the glass break and he whipped his head to see Seth standing there, having just thrown a vase against the glass door.

Seth had jumped from his seat, grabbed the vase that was on the table behind him, and had thrown the vase over his parents' heads and into the French doors behind them. Sandy had ducked, throwing his arm over Kirsten to protect her, thinking that Seth had thrown the vase at them in some sort of misguided anger. But he had looked up when he heard the glass shatter.

"Oh honey," Kirsten had breathed, letting go of Sandy's hand to stand up and hold her son. Seth shook his head, pacing around the back of the couch and wrapping his arms around himself. Kirsten ignored his protests and pulled him close to her and held him for a second before leading him back over to the couch to sit down next to Ryan. Seth pulled his legs close to his lanky body and began to rock slightly.

Ryan wasn't aware that he wasn't breathing until Kirsten's soft voice broke through and she laid a gentle hand on his arm and gave him a sad smile.

"Take a deep breath, honey," she suggested. Ryan let out the shaky breath that he had been holding and looked up at her. Next to him, Seth was still resting his head on top of his knees and trying to withdraw into himself.

"What does…um…" Seth shook his head and tried to get his thoughts in order. "What happens next? What does this mean?" He looked from his mother to his father who shook her head slightly and took Sandy's hand in hers.

Ryan barely listened as Sandy explained that they were going to fight the cancer aggressively, surgery to remove as much of the caner tissue as they could, combined with chemotherapy. Kirsten was to go in for surgery in a couple of days.

"Monday?" Seth's head shot up. "Why so soon?"

"It's to see the extent of the cancer," Sandy explained gently. "So that they can start trying to beat it as soon as possible."

"I know this is a lot to take in," Kirsten said. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry to put you all through this." Ryan looked at her incredulously. Why was she apologizing? As if it was her fault?

"Kirsten," Ryan said, and Kirsten turned to him. "Please don't…this is not your…" He shook his head. How many times had he apologized for things that weren't his fault only to have Kirsten tell him not to take responsibility for things that he had no control over? It was his turn.

"We're going to get through this," Seth said suddenly. "Right? It's going to be okay? Right?"

"Right," Sandy said grabbing Kirsten's hand. She was incapable of answering Seth, because she didn't want to promise something that she wasn't sure was possible.

They talked a little while longer, in soft tones, sitting in the living room before finally Kirsten admitted she was exhausted, and Sandy ushered her upstairs to get some rest.

It wasn't until Ryan got into the pool house that he felt the tears rolling down his face and wondered how long he had been crying.

* * *

Ryan couldn't sleep that night, tossing and turning in his bed until finally he got up and padded across the yard to the kitchen to get himself something to eat. He wasn't surprised to find Kirsten sitting on a stool sipping a cup of tea and looking through picture albums. He knew that no one in the house was probably getting any sleep. Ryan figured he was bound to run into someone in the kitchen, and though he thought it would be Sandy, it wasn't a shock to see Kirsten sitting there instead.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she replied giving him a small smile. "Couldn't sleep?" He shook his head reaching into the refrigerator. "Me neither. I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. I can't turn my brain off."

"What are you looking at?" He asked pulling out a bowl of grapes and carrying them to Kirsten who plucked one out and into her mouth. He climbed up onto the stool next to her and leaned over to see.

"Pictures of my mom," Kirsten pointed to a picture. "Before she got sick." She unsuccessfully stifled a sob and shook her head.

"You're going to be okay," Ryan whispered. She nodded. "Are we going to be able to see you after the surgery on Monday?"

"Yes," Kirsten said. "They're going to do the surgery, and then afterwards, while I'm in recovery, Sandy is going to come back with me to talk with the doctors, and then you two can come back to see me."

When Ryan told this to Seth, Seth began to fill a bag to take to the hospital to give to his mother. Movies and books went in that Seth thought she might like. He asked Sandy what her favorite kind of lotions and shampoos were, and he went and got bottles of each and stuck them in there too. It kept Seth occupied, kept him from thinking about what was going to happen, and the fact that his mother was sick, and it might not be okay.

That weekend, before the first surgery, before they knew the extent of the cancer, before they heard percentages, and chances, and before Kirsten got really sick, they had a picnic on the beach, just the four of them. Seth didn't complain about having to spend time with his parents, instead he was like a small child, and attached himself to his mother. When she was in a room, he made sure that he was in the same room sitting within her reach. They spent the day down at the beach, Kirsten lounging in the sun with Seth, while Sandy tried to convert Ryan into a surfer.

They all went to a movie Saturday night, and Sandy suggested playing a game, to which everyone, including Seth, agreed to, but Kirsten got so tired that she could barely keep her eyes open, and Sandy wrapped an arm around her waist and led her up to bed. It was the first prediction of what was to come, and Seth and Ryan had quietly put away all the pieces that had been carefully set out and instead played PlayStation, while Sandy sat up in his bedroom reading, keeping an eye on his wife.

During Kirsten's first surgery, Ryan sat next to Sandy, who would not take his eyes off of the door leading back to the OR, and Seth who would not look at the doors to the OR. When the doctor finally came out and told Sandy that Kirsten was in recovery, and he could go sit with her, Ryan stood up and Sandy gave him a kiss on the forehead and told him that he would be out soon to let them know what was happening.

When Sandy walked in, Kirsten's eyes fluttered open and she gave him a small smile.

"Hey there," he said crossing over and giving her hand a kiss.

"Hey yourself," she replied. Sandy pulled the chair up next to her bed and sat down.

"How are you feeling?" He asked running a hand through her hair and resting his hand on her cheek.

"I'm okay," she replied. "Just tired. Are the boys here?"

"In the waiting room," Sandy told her. "Waiting impatiently." Kirsten nodded, and the door opened and the doctor came in and sat down in the empty seat across from Sandy and sighed.

The sigh, Kirsten knew from dealing with her mother, was not a good sign. Sandy knew took, judging by the way that his hand tightened around hers.

"It seems to have progressed farther than we had hoped," Dr. Thomas said gently. "It seems to have progressed past the early staging into more advanced stages." Sandy knew that with ovarian cancer, it was hard to catch it in the early stages. He had spent every moment that he wasn't with Kirsten in the past few days pouring over websites and books that had to do with ovarian cancer.

"What happens now?" Kirsten asked tiredly.

"We're going to schedule another surgery and try to remove as much of the cancer tissue as possible," Dr. Thomas explained. "And then Kirsten will start chemotherapy."

Kirsten barely listened to the rest of what he had to say, preferring not to hear how low the probability that she would beat this was, knowing that it wasn't good was enough, and she didn't need to hear the actual numbers. Sandy listened, his attention never wavering, and nodded and thanked the doctor quietly as he left, with instructions to call if they had any more questions. He was about to open his mouth to encourage his wife, when she shook her head.

"Go get the boys," she said softly. Sandy leaned over and gave her a soft kiss before obeying her and going out into the waiting room to retrieve his sons.

Sandy stepped into the waiting room, and Seth and Ryan hopped to their feet and knew from the look on his face that the news wasn't good.

"Is Mom okay?" Seth asked immediately, and Sandy nodded.

"She's okay, tired, but okay. She wants to see you guys," Sandy replied.

"The cancer…it's progressed, hasn't it?" Ryan asked quietly. Sandy turned to him, and Ryan saw the worry in his guardian's eyes. He saw the fear, and felt his own fear start to build.

"Yes," Sandy said just as quietly, wondering how Ryan got so perceptive. "It's progressed farther than they had hoped." Ryan nodded, turning his head away and ignoring the urge to throw up. Seth ran a hand through his curly hair, and fell back onto the chair behind him.


	3. To think I might not see those eyes

Sorry it took so long to get up. I just got to London, and have not had a second to spare since I got here. But, here it is, and I hope you enjoy and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as I can. Review please!

Disclaimer: Not mine.

* * *

_To think I might not see those eyes_

_Makes it so hard not to cry_

_And as we say our long goodbyes,_

_I nearly do- Snow Patrol_

* * *

Sandy was scared. He wouldn't admit it to his wife, and he wouldn't admit it to either one of his sons, but he was terrified. Terrified of losing her. Terrified of having to figure out a way to survive without her. After her first surgery, they made a date for the second surgery and then they would start chemo almost immediately after. He would sleep next to her at night, and wake up in a cold sweat and have to wrap his arms around her. Have to remind himself that it was okay, that for now she was there, beside him, close enough to touch and hold. She would cry at night too, he would pretend to be asleep as she snuck out of bed and into the bathroom and he could hear her sobs. She would cry until she had nothing left to cry and then she would get up and come back to bed. Then it was her turn to pull him close to her and listen to his heart beat against hers.

The boys kept their fears to themselves. If they were telling each other, Sandy wasn't sure, but they weren't saying anything to him, and especially nothing to Kirsten. They practically tiptoed around her, handled her as if she would break, and she was getting sick of that too.

The second surgery came by quickly, and Sandy stood by Kirsten's bed holding her hand talking quietly before hand.

"The boys and I are going to be waiting right out there," he whispered as he leaned down to give her a kiss. "We'll be right there when you get out." She nodded, and accepted his kiss, echoed his soft "I love you." She watched as he left the room to go wait with their sons, and took a deep breath.

Sandy found both boys sitting quietly in the waiting room, Ryan facing towards the door, Seth facing towards the windows.

"Hey," Sandy said taking a seat between them. Ryan turned to him, but Seth continued to stare out the window.

"She said to tell you that she loves you," Sandy said softly.

"She's not going to be okay, is she Dad?" Seth whispered.

"What? No! She's going to be fine," Ryan argued. "She's going to be fine. She's strong, and she can survive this." Sandy didn't say anything. "Sandy, tell him that Kirsten is going to be okay."

"Seth, your mother is strong, if anyone can beat this, it's her," Sandy replied. This was obviously not the answer that either Ryan or Seth was looking for.

"I've done some research," Seth said. "It's hard to beat. It's like the worst cancer to get. And I know that she's younger than most of the women who get it, but still…she's…God, it's the worst one."

"I know Seth," Sandy said wrapping an arm around his son. "But we have to keep optimistic. For her too, she needs to be optimistic if she's going to get past this."

"I can't believe you, Seth!" Ryan exclaimed standing up. "She's going to be fine, because she has to be fine. Because there's nothing else that could possibly happen except for her to be fine." Sandy wasn't sure if Ryan wanted him to follow behind, or to leave him alone for a little while. Deciding that if Kirsten was here with him she would insist that he go after Ryan, Sandy gave Seth's knee a squeeze, climbed slowly to his feet, gave Seth instructions to find him if anything happened, and walked in the same direction that Ryan had. Sandy figured he'd give him a few minutes head start at the very least.

He found Ryan on the bench just outside the automatic doors of the hospital, his head in his hands, and Sandy didn't say a word as he sat down next to him.

"She has to be okay," Ryan repeated vehemently.

"Believe me kid, I know, oh God, do I know," Sandy replied. Neither said anything for a little while, before Ryan finally took a shuddering breath and shook his head.

"But there is…" Ryan took a deep breath. "I mean, there is the possibility that she won't be right?" He looked over at Sandy for the first time since he had sat down next to him, and Sandy grabbed his hand and nodded slowly.

"Yes, there is that possibility." Ryan nodded and turned away again.

"What will we do?" He asked Sandy, who didn't have any answer at all for him this time.

* * *

After Kirsten's first chemotherapy session, she was exhausted. Sandy drove her home, and tucked her into bed, and she just slept. She didn't have any other side effect except sheer exhaustion, and the next morning she woke up and was fine. She even drove the boys to school, and met Julie for some lunch. They hadn't told anyone yet, no one but family knew that Kirsten was sick. Kirsten hadn't even told Hailey yet, Hailey being the one person that Kirsten was most scared to tell.

Sandy convinced her that she had to tell Hailey soon, that if they waited any longer, Hailey would just become more upset that she hadn't been one of the firsts to know. The day after her first chemo session, Kirsten summoned all of her courage and picked up the phone to dial her little sister.

"Kiks?" Hailey said answering on the second ring.

"Hey Hail," Kirsten took a deep breath. "I have some news."

"Good, Julie Cooper's head exploded kind of news? Or bad, we have another little sister, kind of news?" Hailey asked.

"Do you have a minute? Are you sitting down?" Kirsten asked, ignoring Hailey's question.

"Oh God, Kiks, you're scaring me. What's wrong?" Hailey's voice went from the kidding tone that she normally used with Kirsten, to a more serious one.

"I've been diagnosed with ovarian cancer," Kirsten said softly. Hailey's end was silent.

"I'm coming," Hailey said suddenly.

"Hailey, you have a job there, you can't just…"

"I'm coming," Hailey said again, interrupting her. "I'm coming. As soon as I can get a plane, I'm coming." Kirsten heard the dial tone and sighed as she hung up. Sandy came into their bedroom, where she had been making the call, and sat down next to her and took her hand in his.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"She's coming. She heard ovarian cancer, and she's coming," Kirsten reported.

"I told Seth that he could tell Summer if he wanted," Sandy said. "So we better tell Julie."

"Will you be there with me?" Kirsten leaned her head onto Sandy's shoulder, and he gave her temple a kiss.

"Of course," Sandy said. He was taking time off of work to be with her. She had argued against this, but he had won. He wanted to be with her as much as he possibly could.

Kirsten called Julie over for dinner that night, simply telling her that she had some news that she needed to tell her. The boys made themselves scarce, and Sandy held Kirsten's hand as she sat down with Julie and told her that she had ovarian cancer, and that she had started chemotherapy, and Julie's face turned pale, and she grabbed her purse and ran from the Cohen house.

"That didn't go so well," Kirsten said sighing.

"It went about as well as to be expected," Sandy reminded her.

"Do you think that she's okay?" Kirsten asked. "Or should we go try to find her?"

"She needs time," Sandy said gently, running a finger over her wedding ring. "It's a lot to digest."

There was a knock on the door, and Kirsten stood to answer it. Julie was on the other side, and as soon as Kirsten pulled the door open, Julie threw her arms around her and pulled her in tightly for a hug.

"God, Kirsten," she said. "You're my best friend. Whatever you need…just let me know, okay?"

"Thanks Julie," Kirsten said giving her a grateful smile.

* * *

Ryan found Kirsten throwing up in the downstairs bathroom one day when he walked in from school. Sandy had run to the store for something, and Seth was out with Summer, and he was the only one home. It was the first time that she had really had any side effects and he dropped his bags and ran into the bathroom to hold back her hair.

"Oh God," she moaned leaning back against the wall. Ryan quickly wet the washcloth and handed it to her. She accepted it with a small smile and wiped off her face.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked.

"That was not fun," Kirsten replied.

"We should get you into bed," Ryan said helping her to her feet.

"I was just on the way to the kitchen to get some orange juice, and all of a sudden…" Kirsten gestured with her hand to the bathroom.

"I'll get you the orange juice, if you still want it?" Kirsten shook her head and they finished their walk up the stairs.

When Sandy walked in the door twenty minutes later, he found a worried and pensive Ryan sitting in the kitchen.

"Hey, how was school?" Sandy asked placing the groceries on the counter.

"She was throwing up today;" Ryan said.

"What?"

"When I got home, she was throwing up in the bathroom. It was terrifying. She couldn't catch her breath," Ryan replied.

"Is she okay?" Sandy asked. He had only been gone for a little over an hour. She had insisted that she would be fine while he was gone and that she wasn't an invalid.

"She's sleeping now," Ryan said. "I just wish…I just wish that I could do something for her…" He shook his head and climbed to his feet. "I'll be in the pool house." He grabbed his snack and left, and Sandy was left wondering how they would ever survive losing her.

The morning that she woke up and found blonde hairs all over her pillow was the morning that it truly hit her, and she sobbed for about an hour. Sandy cried too, but after she had gotten herself back together and gotten in the shower. Then it was his turn to sit on the bed holding the pillow in his hands and sobbing into it.

Seth offered to shave his head, and Ryan echoed the offer, and Kirsten smiled and told them that she appreciated the offer, but she loved their hair. She ran a hand through Seth's curls to prove her point.

They would sit at night, after her chemo sessions, and watch television, and Sandy would run his fingers through her hair, and chunks would come out in his hands and he would nearly double over in pain and grief. He loved her hair, and he knew that she loved her hair, and it was killing her to lose it.

As vain as it made her, Kirsten didn't care; she would stand in front of the mirror and mourn the loss of her hair. She finally told Sandy that it was enough, and she asked him to grab a razor and they stood in the bathroom and she wept silently as Sandy shaved her hair. Julie came in with a stack of blonde wigs for Kirsten to try on, and she herself entertained them by modeling the wigs.

"Obviously," Julie said pulling off the wig. "You're the blonde. I better stick to being a red head." She paused and looked down at the wig. "Although I might borrow it from time to time. See if being a blonde really is more fun."

Ryan's favorite thing was to bring her home new hats. He found a great little store that carried all kinds of hats. He bought her normal ones, and he bought her crazy ones, and it was the crazy ones that she loved. Trying them on and asking if they thought she could wear it to a Newpsie function. Her favorite one actually had a bird's nest on it, bird and all. He loved seeing her face light up when he brought a new one home.

Summer was trying to convince her to try alternate healing methods, telling her all about things that were all the rage in Los Angeles. Seth was spending more time at home, so that he could be with his mother, and Summer understood, and sometimes instead of going out, they would stay in and watch a movie with Kirsten and Sandy. On the nights that Kirsten was too sick to get out of bed, they would sometimes just come into their bedroom and play a board game. Kirsten would lie on the bed and listen to their banter and close her eyes and wish away the pain and nausea.

* * *

Sandy hated to see her in this much pain. She had no appetite and was fast becoming skin and bones. It broke his heart when she woke up at night with sharp pains in her stomach and she would clutch the sheets and wait for the pain to pass. Chemo was hard on her, and she spent most afternoons in the bathroom with her head in the toilet. On good days they would sometimes go down to the beach, and on bad days, Sandy would wipe the sweat off of her forehead as she scrunched her face in pain and then would sit with her as she tried to get a little bit of sleep.

He didn't know how much more she had in her. He didn't know how much more they could take, but he didn't know how they would be able to make it without her.

At night, when she wasn't in too much pain, or too exhausted, she would make him listen to her while she told him what he would do if the worst was to happen.

"You will be happy, Sandy, do you understand me? If you meet someone, you should try to be happy," she would demand. "And you should make sure that the boys are okay. You make sure that you tell our grandchildren about me."

"Please," he would beg. "Please don't talk like that."

"No, Sandy, it's important to me," Kirsten said vehemently. "I don't want you to miss out on the rest of your life."

"Kirsten…how could there be…" He paused and shook his head. "How could there be anyone else? How could I love someone like I love you?"

"I'm not asking you to love someone else like you love me," Kirsten replied softly. "I'm asking you to try to find someone who makes you laugh, who makes you feel less alone. I don't want you to be one of those people who never laughs, who never smiles, who other people see and think, 'God, what happened to him?' I don't want you to be just a shell of the person that you used to be. I don't want the boys to lose both their parents." And Sandy promised. He held her hand, and he promised to try to be happy, he promised to try to move on if she died. He promised to take care of the boys, and make sure that they were happy too.

And with each promise, his heart broke a little more.


	4. As We Say Our Long Goodbyes

Okay, I beg you to forgive me, and to remember that it was written for a death challenge. One more chapter after this one. Review please! (And I'm sorry).

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine.

* * *

_Light up, light up_

_As if you have a choice_

_Even if you cannot hear my voice_

_I'll be right beside you dear_

_Have heart, my dear_

_We're bound to be afraid_

_Even if its just for a few days_

_Making up for all this mess- Snow Patrol_

* * *

Kirsten knew the words that were going to come out of the doctor's mouth before he said them. Sandy's hand was in hers, sweaty and hot, and she knew that he was nervous. She wanted to tell him that it was pointless to be nervous because the news was not going to be good. He still thought that there could be a happy ending to this. Kirsten knew better.

There was going to be no happy ending.

She wanted to stop time and warn him, so that at least he was prepared for the news. Blind hope was what Sandy clung to. The thought that because he was a good person, she was a good person, that they didn't deserve this. And he was right, they didn't deserve this, but that was not the way these things worked, and Kirsten wanted to tell him that, but didn't have the words or the time.

"The chemotherapy is not working like we had hoped," the doctor said gently.

"What does that mean?" Sandy asked.

"It means that it spread," Kirsten replied without looking at him. Her eyes remained fixed on the doctor's. "Right? It's spread and there's really no way to stop it now?" The doctor nodded sadly, and Kirsten nodded slightly too. Sandy's hand dropped out of hers, and he jumped to his feet.

"What do you mean there's nothing we can do to stop it now?" He yelled.

"Sandy," Kirsten tried, placing a hand on his arm to try to calm him down.

"No! No! We're going to do whatever it takes. There has to be more that can be done! This is supposed to be one of the best hospitals in the country, what the fuck good are you?" He screamed at the doctor.

"Sandy," Kirsten tried again. "Sandy, there's nothing left to do."

"No! We can't just…we can't give up," Sandy said defeated slumping down into his chair. He didn't look at his wife as the doctor kept talking. He hadn't even realized that the doctor was done talking and had left him and Kirsten alone in the room together.

"Sandy," she said softly. "Sandy, please look at me." Sandy turned to her and placed his hand on her face and wiped away a tear with his thumb. "We knew that this was a very real possibility."

"I can't lose you," he replied. "There has to be something else…"

"I'll keep going, with the chemo, if you want me to," she said quietly. It was Sandy's turn to shake his head. It would be too selfish of him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said. "You have nothing to apologize for." And he held her as she cried, and for the first time, he cried in front of her. And she held onto him, and they both wondered how they would tell the boys.

Once they had both calmed down, he helped her to her feet, trying not to notice how thin and frail she was. How pale she was, how she shook with every little effort. He tried to not think about how in a few months she wouldn't be there anymore. He tried not to think about how much he was going to miss her, or what he would do without her.

They walked to the car, and Sandy helped her in. She was wearing one of Julie's wigs and Ryan's hats, and she closed her eyes and rested her head back against the seat. She was exhausted, he knew. She was always exhausted now. The littlest things completely wore her out.

Sandy paused before getting into the car, taking a deep breath and pushing back the tears that once again were pricking his eyelids. He climbed into the driver's seat, and Kirsten barely stirred.

Sandy wasn't stupid, he knew that this could happen. He had been hoping for some sort of miracle. He was banking on the fact that they couldn't lose her after all that they had been through together.

Clearly, that wasn't the case, because here they were, and he was going to lose her. She was going to die.

He hadn't wanted to think about that word. Die. Kirsten was going to die. At night, when she was fast asleep, he would memorize her face. Sometimes he would even write things down so that he would remember when she was gone. Like the way that she scrunched her face up when she was dreaming. The way her eyes got all hazy in the morning when she first woke up. He tried to memorize the way that she smiled. He wanted to capture the sound of her laughter so the he would never forget it. He wanted to stop time and keep her there, with him, forever.

Ryan and Seth were home when they got home, eagerly awaiting word on what had happened at her doctor's appointment. It turned out that they didn't need to think about what they were going to say to Seth and Ryan, because as soon as they stepped in, and they saw Kirsten and Sandy's faces, all Sandy had to do was shake his head and they both understood.

Ryan took off towards the pool house, and Seth stood unable to move or process what was happening.

"Seth, sweetheart?" Kirsten asked quietly. She was crying again, unable to hold back her tears, or hide her fear from her sons anymore. "Please say something?" Seth shook his head, but walked to his mother and wrapped his arms around her tiny body.

"I'm going to go talk to Ryan," Sandy said softly, leaving Seth and Kirsten alone. He found Ryan in the pool house, punching the punching bag with everything he had. "Ryan?" Ryan ignored him, punching the bag harder.

"This is bullshit Sandy," Ryan huffed. "Total bullshit."

"I know, son," Sandy said softly and he touched Ryan's arm and that was all it took for Ryan to crumble, his head in his hands, sliding to the floor. Sandy wrapped his arms around Ryan and held him tightly. "I know," Sandy repeated. "I know."

* * *

"What now?" Seth asked as he and Ryan sat in the pool house later. Kirsten was asleep, and Sandy was in the bedroom with her, watching her sleep. They could see him through the windows in the dark bedroom, just sitting on a chair next to the bed, tears streaming down his face as he watched her sleep. "What do we do now?" Ryan shrugged, turning to look out the window.

"Sandy said that she had said that when she gets really sick, she doesn't want to be in the hospital. She wants to be home with us," he said quietly, looking down at his hands. "She wants to go to your grandfather's cabin." Seth nodded. He knew his mother loved the cabin, one of few things that hadn't been sold or repossessed after his death.

"What do we do?" Seth asked. "You and me?"

"I'm not starting school in the fall," Ryan said. "I'm going to defer." Seth nodded, his head bobbing up and down in agreement. "We'll go to the cabin with her and Sandy. Sandy's going to get her a nurse."

"Oh God," Seth said, his head dropping into his hands and tears rolling down his cheeks. "Oh God. She's going to die. Oh God, my mother is dying." It was the first time that either had said those words out loud and they hung in the air after Seth said them. "I'm not ready for her to die. I'm too selfish and young, and I need her, Ryan. I need my mother." Ryan wasn't sure what to say to Seth, he wasn't sure if Seth wanted him to say anything at all.

What was left to say?

Kirsten was dying. Kirsten had cancer, and she was dying. They told her only a matter of months. Ryan wasn't sure if Sandy was going to make it without her. He wasn't sure if Seth could either.

Ryan wasn't sure if he could make it without her.

* * *

The summer came, the boys graduated, and luckily Kirsten was having a good day that day, and was able to make it and sit in the stands with Sandy and beamed as her boys accepted their diplomas.

Kirsten stopped chemotherapy. Her good days were becoming few and far between, and on those days that she did feel okay, Sandy would take her down to the beach and they would sit and watch the ocean. Sometimes, if she was too sick to make it to the beach, they would just sit on the patio, the four of them, and talk. Seth and Ryan asked her questions about growing up and meeting Sandy, anything about her. They wanted to know about her as much they while they had a chance. On some nights just Ryan sat out with her, talking to her about everything and anything. He listened as Kirsten told him how much she loved him, and how she couldn't imagine their family without him.

"You completed us, Ryan," she told him. "We didn't know what we were missing until you came along, and then it just made sense. You'll take care of each other, right? I would….please, just look out for each other? You and Seth, can you keep an eye on Sandy? I don't know how he's going to handle it when I'm gone."

"I promise," Ryan whispered. "I love you too."

And then it would be Seth's turn. She told him how proud she was of him, and how she knew that he would be amazing.

"I'm so sorry that I'm going to miss it," she wept quietly as she held Seth's hand. "I'm sorry that I won't be at your wedding, or be there when your first child is born. But you're going to be a great father, Seth, and a great husband."

"I love you," Seth said. "I don't know if I tell you that enough."

"I know, Seth, I know that you love me," Kirsten assured him. "I love you, so much."

Finally, the nurse started and Kirsten barely got out of bed. It was finally decided to go up to the cabin, and they packed up and Julie stopped by before they left.

"God, Kiki," she said tears streaming down her face.

"Keep an eye on Sandy and the boys for me?" Kirsten asked.

"Of course," Julie said. "Anything."

"Especially Sandy," Kirsten said reaching out for Julie's hand, which she grasped tightly in her own.

"Promise."

"Come to the cabin," Kirsten said. "Bring the girls? It'll be good for the boys to see them." Julie nodded and leaned down to give Kirsten a kiss on her cheek. "I'd like to see them before…" Kirsten trailed off, and Julie nodded and watched as Sandy transferred her gently to the car and tucked a blanket around her.

"We'll see you soon?" Sandy asked giving Julie a hug before going to the driver's side.

"I'll be up," Julie said nodding.

"Okay," Sandy replied sighing.

"I can't believe this is happening," Julie whispered. Sandy squeezed his eyes shut to stop the never-ending supply of tears that leaked out, and shook his head.

"We'll see you up there," he said and climbed into the car, touching Kirsten's face gently before starting the car and backing up.

Julie stood in the driveway, tears rolling down her face, and waved until she couldn't see the car anymore.

* * *

Sandy watched his wife sleeping, her face contorted in pain, and went to get the nurse to give her more pain relievers. Kirsten's room faced the lake and in the morning, Sandy would drink his coffee and read his paper as Kirsten watched the sunrise.

"It's so beautiful," she would say softly. "Isn't it so beautiful Sandy?" Sandy would look over at her, transfixed with the sight before her, and nod.

"It's beautiful," he agreed. He would fix her blankets so that she was comfortable. "Do you need anything baby?"

"No," Kirsten said. "Just come sit with me?" Sandy would climb up onto the bed next to her, wrapping his arms around her, and when they were sitting like this it was easy to forget that the pain that she was in, forget how sick she was. Sandy would run his hand up and down her arm as she buried her head in his chest and he would whisper that he loved her.

"You're going to be okay, right? Please tell me that you're going to be okay," Kirsten begged. He wasn't sure how he was going to tell her that when he knew that he wasn't going to be okay without her.

"I'm going to be okay, the boys and me, we'll get through," he told her.

"Make sure Ryan knows how much I love him," Kirsten said. "And remind Seth of that too. Tell them both how proud I am of them, tell them how much I wish that I could be with them." Sandy nodded, weeping softly. "I wish I could be with you. I wish I could stay here always."

"Me too," Sandy whispered softly. Kirsten turned her attention back onto the lake.

"It's so beautiful here."

They sat on the back porch, just the four of them, staring at the water lapping gently against the shore of the lake. Hailey was inside on the phone talking to her clients, and Julie and the girls had just left to go back home. Ryan and Seth were playing cards, and Sandy was holding Kirsten's hand in his as she watched the sunset.

"I love this time of day," Kirsten spoke up. "Dusk, I always loved dusk." Ryan and Seth looked up from their card game to look over at her. She was fading away right in front of them. Sandy brought her hand up to his mouth and gave it a kiss.

"I love you," he whispered giving her a kiss on her cheek. She turned her head slightly and smiled.

"I love you too," she said. "I'm tired, Sandy, I'm so tired."

"I know baby," he said and his chest tightened and he gave her a hand a squeeze. "I know. Close your eyes."


	5. I'll be right beside you dear

Sandy packed up the last of Kirsten's clothes and set the box on the floor. He stood looking out the window, looking at the same view that she had for the last few days of her life. He pressed his hand against his cheek to stop the tears that never seemed to stop falling.

"Dad?' Seth's voice interrupted him, and Sandy turned around to see his son leaning against the door with his hands shoved into his pockets. "The car is all packed up except for Mom's things." Seth walked a little farther into the room and placed a hand on his dad's arm. "Take your time. We'll be outside." Sandy nodded and Seth left him alone in his mom's room.

Sandy knelt down to pick up the box and his hand brushed against one of her sweaters, and the smell of her filled up his senses and he felt such a rush of overwhelming grief that he couldn't breathe for a moment.

He carried the box outside and both his sons were standing with Hailey by the car. He slid the box into the back and closed the trunk. Turning, he looked back up at the cabin, knowing that he would never come back here. Sandy knew that he would never be able to go back to the place where she died. Where she had drifted away from them. The sun was setting on the lake, and it was beautiful and all Sandy could think of was how much Kirsten loved this time of day. Dusk. She loved dusk.

"Are you okay?" Ryan asked, and Sandy could do nothing but shake his head. Hailey was crying again, and Sandy could hear her sharp intakes of breath as they climbed into the car.

Kirsten was dead.

She had been dead for two days now. Her funeral was planned, Julie had taken care of everything, knowing that Sandy would be in no shape to think about what needed to be done, who needed to be called.

She was right, Sandy couldn't think about anything but Kirsten, she overwhelmed him.

Seth drove home one car, and Ryan drove the other, and Sandy sat next to Ryan in the front seat and leaned his head against the cool window and didn't say a word the ride home.

* * *

Sandy wouldn't come out of his room for her funeral. Seth and Ryan stood dressed in the living room waiting for him. Finally Ryan went upstairs to find out where he was, and found Sandy crumpled in a heap in the middle of the room grasping on to what looked like Kirsten's wedding dress.

"She was so beautiful," Sandy whispered when he heard the door open. "She was so beautiful, and she loved me. Out of all the people that loved her, she loved me back." Sandy shook his head. "How do I…she said that she wanted me to be happy…how can I be happy? She's gone, Ryan." Ryan stepped closer to Sandy and kneeled down next to him.

"Sandy we need to go," he said slowly and softly.

"I can't."

"You're going to regret it if you don't go," Ryan replied.

"I don't want to say goodbye to her," Sandy said, and Ryan felt for a moment that he was talking to a petulant child, and the thought that Kirsten would know how to handle Sandy when he was like this crossed his mind.

"We need to go Sandy," Ryan said standing up and offering his hand down to Sandy to help him up.

Seth and Ryan sat on either side of Sandy at the ceremony. Sandy was bent over, openly sobbing into his hands. Hailey kept shaking her head, as if she couldn't believe that it was actually happening.

"Kiki," she whispered as she choked back a sob. When Ryan moved to console her, she shook her head and pulled into herself. Ryan himself was having a hard time understanding it all.

How could she be dead?

How could Kirsten really be gone? That wasn't supposed to happen. Ryan was constantly torn between denial and unbelievable grief. He and Seth had shared a bottle of whiskey the night before, sitting in the pool house going through photo albums, tears rolling down both their cheeks. They didn't say anything about it today, and Ryan figured that no mention of it would ever be made again. It had hurt, and it had helped to talk about Kirsten, to go through the Chrismukkah pictures, to go through the pictures before Ryan knew her. The ones of her when Seth was little, and the ones of just her and Sandy. Ryan had taken one from the pile. It was just of Kirsten, and she was their age, maybe a little bit older. Sandy must have taken the picture, or maybe even Jimmy, Ryan wasn't sure. Her back was to the camera, but her head was turned and she was smiling and her hair was being whipped in the wind, and she just looked so happy. Ryan had placed the picture in his wallet.

Julie was doing her part, keeping the Newpsies away from Sandy and the boys. She figured the last thing that any of them needed was fake condolences.

At the wake, Summer stood next to Seth, slipped her hand in his and gave it a squeeze.

"I'm here," she whispered leaning into him. "When you need to talk." Seth leaned over and placed a kiss on her temple and thanked her quietly.

Ryan spotted Sandy standing over in the corner, a glass in his hands. He moved over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Thank you for making me come," Sandy said. "She would have been there to say goodbye to me." Julie moved over to where the two stood.

"Do you remember that time when Seth was seven and you went to pick him up from school, but didn't tell her that you had him? And she went to the school, and panicked and called the police?" Julie asked.

"They came by the house and I tried to explain to them that it was just a communication error, and Kirsten came running in the house, tears streaming down her face," Sandy shook his head. "She didn't talk to me for like three days she was so mad at me for putting her through that."

"How about the time that Mom tried to make ham for Easter?" Seth asked stepping into the conversation. "And she burnt it, and the fire department came? And they had Thai food with us." Sandy laughed slightly, and his eyes misted over.

"Her and her best friend ran away when she was sixteen to see David Bowie in New York City," Hailey contributed. "My dad freaked out when he discovered her gone. He went all the way to New York to drag her home. She kept saying, 'But I left a note!'" Hailey smiled sadly. "She set the standards for rule-breaking." Hailey frowned slightly. "I'm going to miss her so much." Sandy knew that there was no way to describe how much he was going to miss her. It felt like a part of him was gone.

"She tried to make me soup once, the first year I was here?" Ryan said. "Who screws up soup? It was disgusting. It tasted like ass."

"Ryan," Sandy admonished. "Don't say ass." Sandy's face crumbled and he covered his face with his hands, and Seth and Ryan each placed a hand on his arm and Sandy pulled them into a hug and held onto his boys.

The last piece of his wife lived on in these boys. These boys that she loved more than anything. And so Sandy held onto them. Held onto the little bit of Kirsten he still had.

* * *

Ryan and Seth had finally finished college, after taking a year off to be with Kirsten, and then to be with Sandy. Sandy had fallen apart after Kirsten's death. He had been unable to cope with her being gone. He didn't eat, he didn't sleep, when Ryan or Seth would come in to check on him, they would find him in her closet hanging onto her clothes, or watching their wedding video.

It had taken months before he seemed to start to pull himself together and rejoin the rest of the world. It had been Sandy who had insisted that they go to school starting that fall. He had said that Kirsten would want them to move on and start college, and that he would be fine. Absolutely fine, he assured them. He promised that he would start therapy, and that he understood that Kirsten wouldn't have wanted him to be wallowing in self-pity like this.

It had taken exactly three and a half weeks for Ryan to get the phone call from Seth. He could hear Seth crying on the other end as he told Ryan how Sandy had downed a bottle of painkillers with a bottle of whiskey.

"Oh God," Ryan said falling back onto the chair behind him. His roommate looked at him with surprise and concern as Ryan lifted his hand to his mouth. When Ryan had unpacked, he had taken out the picture of Kirsten that he had enlarged and framed, and his roommate had asked him who she was.

"That's my mom," Ryan had said. "She uh, she died of cancer." Ryan still wasn't used to saying those words, and they didn't come out easily.

When Seth called, and told him that Sandy had tried to kill himself, Ryan had rushed out of his dorm, and caught the first plane to Newport. Seth had done the same, and they both converged in front of Sandy's hospital room.

"Don't you think we've had enough of hospitals?" Seth sighed. Ryan had to agree. Sandy apologized to the boys after he had woken up.

"Dad, why did you do it?" Seth asked. It was obvious though why Sandy had done it. Ryan knew the reason, and Seth knew the reason too.

Kirsten.

"I just can't without her," Sandy said.

"Try harder, for us?" Seth pleaded, and Sandy nodded his consent and agreed to really get help this time.

Ryan had reluctantly returned to school, with Julie and Hailey's promises to look after him.

Ryan thought that Sandy had honestly gotten better. When they came home that year for Chrismukkah, he had almost seemed like himself again, joking around with the boys and talking to them about their classes and their respective schools. Ryan was almost hopeful that they could get through this.

Both he and Seth graduated from college. Sandy came to both, grinning proudly, and he watched as Seth married Summer, and as Ryan married a woman that he had met at Berkeley, Lisa. Both the boys moved back to Newport, close to Sandy.

Sandy was at the hospital when Summer gave birth to his first grandchild, a little girl named Kirsten.

He never remarried, despite both of his daughters-in-law trying to set him up on dates. Summer gave up first, knowing that it was a lost cause. She tried to explain it to Lisa.

"You should have seen the way that he used to look at her," Summer told her. "There's no way that he could find someone else. She was amazing, and no one can fill her role."

Sandy had loved his grandchildren, loved Ryan's boys, and Seth's son, but had a special place for his only granddaughter, his beloved Kirsten. She would climb into his lap, and he would tell her about her grandmother.

"She was beautiful, wasn't she Pap?" Kirsten would ask, tilting her head and Sandy could see his Kirsten in her.

"She was beautiful," Sandy agreed.

"Tell me about her," Kirsten asked.

"What about her?"

"Everything. Tell me about your wedding, and tell me about how she looked, and what song you danced to," Kirsten begged. And Summer would come to pick up her daughter, and find her sitting on Sandy's lap as the two of them watched Kirsten and Sandy's wedding video.

"You ready to go sweetheart?" Summer asked.

"Pap is telling me about Grandma," Kirsten said smiling up at her mother. "You knew her too, right?" Summer nodded.

"She was amazing," Summer said sharing a smile with Sandy.

"You better go Princess," Sandy said as Kirsten climbed off his lap and hurried over to her mother. "I'll see you soon, okay?" Kirsten nodded, her dark curls bouncing.

He wished that his Kirsten was there to see her. Their beautiful granddaughter. He wished that Kirsten would have gotten to see her grandsons, all three of them, wished that she would have seen her boys turn into such wonderful husbands and fathers. Sandy still grieved for her, fifteen years later. The nights still were the worse, when his chest would hurt, and he would stare at the empty spot in their bed where she used to sleep.

But he had promised her, he had promised to be there for their boys, and tell stories about her to their grandchildren. He had promised her that he would be okay, and try to be happy, and he was trying for her.

But he never got remarried.

Sandy knew it was ridiculous to even consider being remarried. He was Kirsten Cohen's husband. Forever.

And some days he would wish that his suicide attempt had been successful, and that the pain of losing her, of having her gone, would be gone. But he saw his sons, and his grandchildren, and some of the pain went away.

But was still there, lingering, always.

And he could hear her voice, when they had laid in bed, side by side, on one of her last few nights, her soft whisper,

_"We'll see each other soon, right? I mean we have eternity Sandy, maybe this is good, some alone time for a little while." She had given him a small smile, her hand, cold and fragile slipped into his. "I know how you do like your alone time. We'll see each other again. I'll miss you though. I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you." _


End file.
